Digging Up Family Presentation, April 10, 2021
Cover Slide
I started researching my family tree in 1992.
I had listened to the stories told by my parents and older relatives, but never really researched it.
I had listened to the stories told by my parents and older relatives, but never really researched it.
That was a busy year…it included my son’s birth and my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I wanted to have the information as a gift for them. I sent letters to every relative I could find an address for. They sent back photos and information that I compiled into three trees: Arthur and Thorne, my father’s parents; and a Belcher tree for my mother’s parents. (Not much was known about the Duncans at that time beyond my Mom’s grandparents, so they were lumped together.)
I attempted to keep the research going and up-to-date. Sharing the pages with family through the mail and getting information back occasionally. The family trees gave birth to family reunions so older cousins that had once enjoyed each other’s company often (and their descendants) could get together before they were all gone. I planned to start family newsletters, one for each branch, and keep researching. Unfortunately, people stopped sharing information, and life got difficult and in the way. The difficulties increased as years passed. Too much of my life became responsibilities, “HAVE TOs” and overwhelming, and it all started affecting my health. My daughter worried and decided to think up something we could do together…family research.
I attempted to keep the research going and up-to-date. Sharing the pages with family through the mail and getting information back occasionally. The family trees gave birth to family reunions so older cousins that had once enjoyed each other’s company often (and their descendants) could get together before they were all gone. I planned to start family newsletters, one for each branch, and keep researching. Unfortunately, people stopped sharing information, and life got difficult and in the way. The difficulties increased as years passed. Too much of my life became responsibilities, “HAVE TOs” and overwhelming, and it all started affecting my health. My daughter worried and decided to think up something we could do together…family research.
At a genealogy seminar, we picked up a Cemetery Packet that had pamphlets on topics like death superstitions and what headstone markings mean. We both love walking through cemeteries, reading the headstones, marveling at the architecture, feeling peaceful. As we flipped through the packet during a break, the idea was born: once a month we would spend a day in cemeteries where our family members were buried until we had a photo of EVERY headstone related to us. (Well, every headstone that was still there…in as many cemeteries we could find and get to.) A monthly road trip, an adventure, an out-of-the-ordinary moment. The quest began…the challenge excepted.
I started compiling lists, by cemetery, of family members. Then by going onto FindAGrave and looking for the people we knew, we were able to find parents/siblings/spouses/children…those people and cemeteries were also added. [This slide is a sample list for Trinity Memorial Gardens in Waldorf.]
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On October 5, 2016, we started with the 10 cemeteries we knew the best, mapped a trail (which created a nice circle), printed off lists for each cemetery and transcription forms to fill in, and packed a cemetery box of supplies. It was a successful day, making it to 9 of the cemeteries and finding 52 family members. (Kacie took pictures of many additional headstones of the same surnames in case we discovered later they were also related to them). [This slide is our Cemetery Box list. The next slide is our Transcription Form.]
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Since then, we’ve revisited several cemeteries to complete our lists. We’ve modified our transcription form and improved our cemetery box supplies. Meals have changed…we still have a breakfast meeting at McDonald’s, but we now take subs and drinks (and lots of water) with us because you never know if there will be a place to find lunch (we found that out the hard way). Weather is usually our biggest nemesis…under 45° or over 90° is usually a change in plans, pouring rain is a no-go (even though we have still searched during light summer rains). Our other issue has been directions…there might not be an actual address, there’s not always GPS service between mountains, and both GoogleMaps and GPS are sometimes wrong. We have laughed, cried, turned around, and seen beautiful scenery (and some scary places as well). We’ve met people who find our quest everything from odd to extremely interesting…and met one person that thought we should be a History Channel show.
This slide shows cemeteries we’ve visited. We have discovered there has never been a standard on how cemeteries should be laid out or kept up. The range is wide: beautifully manicured, safe, and easy to find the headstones (God bless the military!)…sunken or overgrown headstones (we bring a trowel and clippers)…with and without section identifiers…hoping that you don’t break an ankle in a hole or sink onto a coffin; so large that a week is needed to search the entire cemetery…so small it takes longer to get to the cemetery than to find the person; popular and historic…sad and forgotten. We’ve had cemetery staff hang up on us when we’ve called to ask a question, and others finding what we’re doing fascinating…one even took a list of 80 people and looked up all the locations for us. We’ve dug headstones out of the dirt, carefully scrubbed off fungus and yuck, and swept off layers of dead grass. Sadly, we’ve even discovered that some family members were never given a headstone (or it has long since disappeared)…we plan to go back to lay some if we ever win the lottery. Some trips have been extremely satisfying…some we felt like they were a waste of time…most are exhausting. Finding a headstone is sometimes a competition…and more than once we’ve spent an hour looking for a headstone, only to discover that it’s beside the car as we’re giving up and are about to leave.
Several months after beginning our quest, the BIG decision was what to do with the information. I considered writing a book, but new information on people would be discovered (photos, an unknown spouse, finally discovering a grandparent’s name) so it would need to be updated, and I wondered if someone would really want to buy it. Instead, I purchased a website domain and email address to share the information with the world that could be updated as often as I needed. CemeteryDays.com [https://www.cemeterydays.com/] was born…this slide shows our Home Page. I’ll admit that I’m a bit behind in getting information there (a project that I’ll explain later in this presentation took over our time for almost a year).
On it, there are pages for cemeteries we’ve visited that include an address, photo of the sign (if there is one), a description, and who from our family are buried there. [This slide shows St. Barnabas Church in Oxon Hill.]
Each person we’ve found has their own page that includes the person’s photo (if we have one), a headstone photo, vitals of the person, and a 3 generation tree. Within the lists of the person’s parents and siblings, spouse(s) and children, other found names are hyperlinked so you can easily move from one person to another. [This slide is my father.]
INFORMATION BREAKDOWN
The next slides show where we know family have been buried.
The next slides show where we know family have been buried.
Our U.S. map of states to visit is almost completely colored in…only Vermont, New Hampshire, Wisconsin, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada and Alaska are left to shade in.
State lists range from a state with 1 cemetery listing a single person…to a state with almost 200 cemeteries of various sizes. Even though we have focused mainly on Maryland, DC and Virginia so far…we have had to repeat cemeteries due to the discovery of new family members or to locate those we didn’t find a visit before.
Our road trips are chosen in a very scientific way: we grab a piece of paper out of a jar. If we’re going out-of-town for another reason (like a taekwondo tournament), we look for cemeteries near where we’re going. Once the target cemetery is chosen, we include every cemetery in the same county we know we need to visit, a nearby county, or one that we will pass through getting there.
To date, we’ve visited 65 cemeteries at least once.
And we have pages for a total of 483 people online (although we have found close at least 600).
Our road trips are chosen in a very scientific way: we grab a piece of paper out of a jar. If we’re going out-of-town for another reason (like a taekwondo tournament), we look for cemeteries near where we’re going. Once the target cemetery is chosen, we include every cemetery in the same county we know we need to visit, a nearby county, or one that we will pass through getting there.
To date, we’ve visited 65 cemeteries at least once.
And we have pages for a total of 483 people online (although we have found close at least 600).
THE MOST SATISFYING FIND
After 7 successful local cemetery day visits, we decided a longer trip back to my mother’s WV hometown was in order. The plan was to take my mother “home” so she could visit with family (and recharge her accent) while we explored. Unfortunately, she developed a severe nerve problem a few weeks earlier which meant that was not going to be possible. You see, the biggest part of the exploration was to find her two oldest brothers who passed away before she was born. She had visited their graves often as a child, and even several times with her sisters after moving to Maryland. The cemetery was on a piece of a neighbor’s farm in the small town she grew up in. The farm had been sold to a family from outside the original community. Mom wanted to know how well their graves were being kept and WE were going to find them.
The first step was locating where the cemetery was…I had NO clue (and Mom’s sisters were no longer there to ask). Mom thought she remembered how to get there (by sight), but couldn’t describe it well enough for us to use as directions. When she lived there, they didn’t use addresses (it was “William Belcher, Kegley, WV” and they picked up the mail at the post office). I spent one night in June sending emails…Mercer County Historical Society, WV State Archive, a person on FindAGrave who had started the Thompson Cemetery which included someone Mom knew had been buried in the same place, the Mercer County Commissioner’s office…anyone I thought might know or could point me to them. Most didn’t respond or didn’t have a clue (including the FindAGrave person) UNTIL…I was put in contact with an ex-County Commissioner who knew the town well but not that cemetery. I called him and he was happy to be my bloodhound. We spoke several more times over a week or so, him asking about information and me answering or searching until I could get it right back to him. To the excitement of us both, HE FOUND IT and the new farm owners were more than happy to let us come and photograph the cemetery!!!! These were the only headstones my mother didn’t have a photo of for her immediate family, and we were going to fill that request. Reservations were made, maps were drawn, lists were made…we were off, and this time even my son was in on the hunt.
Southern WV holds some of my favorite memories. The 6-hour trip was full of beautiful scenery, fun stories…and rain! It was July 5th and we were supposed to call my new “friend” as soon as we had checked into the motel. We pulled into Bluefield as a thunder storm rolled over the mountains…not exactly cemetery weather. We unloaded anything non-cemetery into our room, and I made the call.
The first step was locating where the cemetery was…I had NO clue (and Mom’s sisters were no longer there to ask). Mom thought she remembered how to get there (by sight), but couldn’t describe it well enough for us to use as directions. When she lived there, they didn’t use addresses (it was “William Belcher, Kegley, WV” and they picked up the mail at the post office). I spent one night in June sending emails…Mercer County Historical Society, WV State Archive, a person on FindAGrave who had started the Thompson Cemetery which included someone Mom knew had been buried in the same place, the Mercer County Commissioner’s office…anyone I thought might know or could point me to them. Most didn’t respond or didn’t have a clue (including the FindAGrave person) UNTIL…I was put in contact with an ex-County Commissioner who knew the town well but not that cemetery. I called him and he was happy to be my bloodhound. We spoke several more times over a week or so, him asking about information and me answering or searching until I could get it right back to him. To the excitement of us both, HE FOUND IT and the new farm owners were more than happy to let us come and photograph the cemetery!!!! These were the only headstones my mother didn’t have a photo of for her immediate family, and we were going to fill that request. Reservations were made, maps were drawn, lists were made…we were off, and this time even my son was in on the hunt.
Southern WV holds some of my favorite memories. The 6-hour trip was full of beautiful scenery, fun stories…and rain! It was July 5th and we were supposed to call my new “friend” as soon as we had checked into the motel. We pulled into Bluefield as a thunder storm rolled over the mountains…not exactly cemetery weather. We unloaded anything non-cemetery into our room, and I made the call.
He gave us a place to meet him and we were back off…in the pouring rain. (Good thing I know the area well enough to not get lost.) We followed him around this mountain and up that hill, and stopped at a relatively newer home than I had imagined with a cow pasture surrounding the side and back yards. The thunder was gone and the rain was down to a drizzle. My son was mad that we were still willing to look for it (worried we would be struck by lightning) and decided he would stay with the car. The homeowner came out, the 2 men exchanged niceties and introductions were made. I explained my reason for being there, he was pleased to have us, and he asked if I wanted to drive down the hill or walk. (West Virginia pastures are scattered with large rocks and are steep. It had just been pouring rain…and I was still learning to drive my brand new SUV.) We opted to walk. He pointed to the bottom of the hill where there was a tree covered area [this slide points to where it is], and then asked us to be sure to hook the gate so the cows didn’t get out (Oh I miss farm/rural people). Covered in our rain ponchos, we grabbed the camera, papers, essentials bucket and some flowers. The cows stood in an open shed watching the crazy humans slopping down the hill, trying not to slip or step in mud and manure. We got to the trees and find it…
a little cemetery with a chain link fence around it! Kacie photographed it all (so we could put them on FindAGrave) and we found my Belcher uncles! [This is them.]
Their stones still easily readable even though they were almost 100 years old…the only issue was the top slab that joined the headstones together was on the ground (we assumed knocked off at some point from a falling limb or loose cow). [This is them.]
The excitement overtook me and I suggested we attempt to put it back…then was reminded that it was slimy and probably weighted a couple hundred pounds. We had hoped to also find another uncle’s infant daughter there (Mom did not know where she had been buried), but no luck on her headstone. Back to our car, we followed our new friend back through the town as he pointed out his window at landmarks, he gave us old photos for my mother of her hometown; we exchanged addresses and then parted ways. The photo of the full cemetery is now what we use as our Cemetery Days logo.
We weren’t able to locate as many family members as we would have liked on that 3-day trip, and the weather was damp and steamy the entire time we were there, but George and Carl were found and safe. Our mission was a success!!!
We weren’t able to locate as many family members as we would have liked on that 3-day trip, and the weather was damp and steamy the entire time we were there, but George and Carl were found and safe. Our mission was a success!!!
And now a different kind of project.
PROVIDENCE
We had relied on research and friendly help to successfully find several of my mother’s family in West Virginia. But it has been so much easier to find my father’s family right here in Southern Maryland since the Thorne family has been here, as my father put it “since dirt; we were waving at the pilgrims as they sailed by”. We also had a head start with some research my father’s first cousin (Vera Thorne) had done. She shared it with me for the Thorne family reunion my mother and I had organized in 1995. [This slide is a group picture from that reunion held at Providence United Methodist Church.]
That legacy leads us to our biggest project to date, which also took up the most time.
That legacy leads us to our biggest project to date, which also took up the most time.
The Thorne family has been members of what is currently Providence-Fort Washington United Methodist Church since its beginning in 1870. My father’s grandparents -- Cornelius and Sarah (Berry) Thorne -- are buried in the newer cemetery; his great grandparents -- George and Elizabeth (Taylor) Thorn -- are in the original cemetery. Although Providence’s cemetery has always been known as a private Thorne burial ground, I thought it was just a joke…until I started really “digging” into the people buried there. Providence was on our first Cemetery Day trip. While there, Kacie decided that she would just take a photo of every headstone there because we would, no doubt, discover our connection to them all eventually. She was right (well, almost)!
Wanda knew of our love of cemeteries and my connection with Providence, so while planning the 2020 Southern Maryland Event, she asked if I’d sit on a cemetery panel. Sure I said…and I decided to get as much information about the church’s cemetery as I could for a full display. This way I could hopefully answer any question that might be asked. That’s where things got interesting…
Wanda knew of our love of cemeteries and my connection with Providence, so while planning the 2020 Southern Maryland Event, she asked if I’d sit on a cemetery panel. Sure I said…and I decided to get as much information about the church’s cemetery as I could for a full display. This way I could hopefully answer any question that might be asked. That’s where things got interesting…
I emailed the pastor and board director, asking if I could possibly borrow the cemetery records…but there aren’t any, I was told. All they had were plot maps for the newer cemetery and what was in Stones and Bones. There was no information for the older cemetery. Congregants had always informally handled the cemetery records, usually handing them off to someone else to oversee, and a copy was never given to the church (or had been lost when a new minister decided to “clean house” without really looking at what was being thrown out). They said I could dig through the files to see if there was something misfiled. I also checked with the United Methodist archives and the Baltimore Washington Conference to see if they had something on either cemetery…nope. I checked with several Maryland societies…thanks for asking, but it doesn’t look like we do. And the members that I knew had been super involved in church matters over the years had long since passed.
So we took photos of the newer cemetery plot maps [shown here] and started there. First comparing it to headstones that were still visible. We scribbled on our copy where headstones were but not listed, or when headstones were shown at the wrong place. We even moved slabs the church had onto plots where headstones were missing when the maps showed someone was there. Some plots simply said “infant of a parent’s name”, or a name but no dates.
As I contemplated how I was going to fill in plot map information, I remembered that I’d won Murray Funeral Home Records books covering 1890-1945…I was suddenly so happy to have gone to that banquet!!!! I spent several evenings going person by person through the books, looking for anyone that the 5 volumes said were buried at Providence or in Friendly. It worked! I was able to add names and/or dates to infant burials; confirm information for people, figure out who some people were related to, and (we think) add burials for the original cemetery. We can’t yet answer all the questions, but we are much closer. (PLEASE NOTE: Some people we have added as being buried at a Providence cemetery are speculation on our part, and we have indicated them as such. The families were associated with the church, the dates work, funeral home records show they were buried in that area, and we haven’t found them listed on any other burial lists. Like with other family research, we will continue to dig.)
While giving an early update of our work to the pastor and director, we mentioned that there is a possibility there are plots outside the fence surrounding the original cemetery. We also couldn’t answer for them if plots that were blank on the maps are actually empty (something they were hoping to know). I said that I would look into grants the church might be eligible to apply for to do ground penetrating x-rays or other cemetery work since the church is listed as an historic site. I was able to find 3 that could be applied for and passed that information along. Unfortunately, COVID showed up soon after and seems to have put a hold on their progress to explore things further.
As I contemplated how I was going to fill in plot map information, I remembered that I’d won Murray Funeral Home Records books covering 1890-1945…I was suddenly so happy to have gone to that banquet!!!! I spent several evenings going person by person through the books, looking for anyone that the 5 volumes said were buried at Providence or in Friendly. It worked! I was able to add names and/or dates to infant burials; confirm information for people, figure out who some people were related to, and (we think) add burials for the original cemetery. We can’t yet answer all the questions, but we are much closer. (PLEASE NOTE: Some people we have added as being buried at a Providence cemetery are speculation on our part, and we have indicated them as such. The families were associated with the church, the dates work, funeral home records show they were buried in that area, and we haven’t found them listed on any other burial lists. Like with other family research, we will continue to dig.)
While giving an early update of our work to the pastor and director, we mentioned that there is a possibility there are plots outside the fence surrounding the original cemetery. We also couldn’t answer for them if plots that were blank on the maps are actually empty (something they were hoping to know). I said that I would look into grants the church might be eligible to apply for to do ground penetrating x-rays or other cemetery work since the church is listed as an historic site. I was able to find 3 that could be applied for and passed that information along. Unfortunately, COVID showed up soon after and seems to have put a hold on their progress to explore things further.
Just recently (about 3 weeks ago), the church received boxes of papers from a member (another of my father’s first cousins), who has moved into an assisted living facility. I was called to go through the boxes, and discovered 2 new tidbits on the original cemetery. The first is a letter regarding a burial around 1878 for a Samuel H. Fisher, who is a new name. I will dissect the letter and see what I can discover about him. The second is possible proof that fence really is not around the entire cemetery. [This slide shows a survey done in 1999 of the older cemetery.] I’ve shared that information with the church, and will assist with this as much as I can.
The people buried at Providence (related or not) are on our website. We plan to give them a binder and electronic copies of our work. I’ve also agreed to work with their webmaster to create a page for the church’s website for genealogy seekers. Included will be who and how each person is related to others in the cemetery.
The people buried at Providence (related or not) are on our website. We plan to give them a binder and electronic copies of our work. I’ve also agreed to work with their webmaster to create a page for the church’s website for genealogy seekers. Included will be who and how each person is related to others in the cemetery.
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, even though COVID has stopped many things -- like digging through files the church does have, and overnight/long weekend trips -- it has not totally stopped all our cemetery days progress. Cemeteries are easy to socially distance in. We’ve used some time to catch up on trips we’ve taken but were not yet online. We’ve also done a few close-by visits. This year Kacie will be adding 3 new pages on the website for photos of interesting cemetery monuments, family friends that we’ve found, and famous people that we’ve come across.
I’m sure that we’ll never be able to get to every grave on our lists, but we plan to continue the search until we become someone to be searched for ourselves. We’ll just be leaving future searchers a good head start.
Are there any questions?
I’m sure that we’ll never be able to get to every grave on our lists, but we plan to continue the search until we become someone to be searched for ourselves. We’ll just be leaving future searchers a good head start.
Are there any questions?